It's amazing

I had a bad night last night.  I let snakes get in my head and I tossed and turned and cried and tossed some more.  It's really easy to let things go from bad to worse when you're so tired!  And generally speaking, I'm so tired. 

It's amazing. 

It's amazing how hard it is to see the value in being a stay at home mom when it's one of the more valuable things you can do with your time/day/life.  But, perhaps, because there is no monetary value on being a stay at home mom and it's something you do, ya know, at home, it seems less like a job?  But that can't be it.  There is a monetary value on it.  We aren't paying for daycare.  We're saving money.  And yes, I'm at home.  And I'm lucky for that.  But people have jobs where they travel all over the country or world, seeing amazing things.  Aren't they also lucky for that?  It's about a choice we make.  What would make us feel the most fulfilled.  I could work at a job in an office or a store, yes.  And for my mom, that's what she did.  She worked in a library when my sister and I were small.  I think that choice made her feel fulfilled as she was passionate about books, while being passionate about us.  I am lucky enough to have a passion for sewing and to have places that see that passion in my work and think my product is worth selling.  When I left my job as a production artist in Memphis, I left with the intention of working full time on my business.  Which would've meant working from home, and then taking my product to stores to sale on consignment or whole sale.  So working from home has always been my plan.  That made the decision to stay home with the kids even more obvious to me.  I wasn't going to give up working (and I haven't...though it has slowed). 

I think if you stay at home with your kids, if you have no kids, if you have kids and you go to work, just do the thing that makes you happy - that makes you proud.  That makes you feel like your best self.  I never planned to be a mother.  In fact I planned the opposite.  Life throws us curve balls.  Rather than be hit by the curve ball and suffer a monster black eye, I went with it.  Decided to throw myself into it and see where it would take me.  I love where I am.  I miss things.  I miss late nights with friends and dates with Joe.  But people who work 40+ hours a week miss some of those things too.  It's not just being a mom - it's growing up.  It's being accountable.  It's trading late nights with friends for early mornings with babies who want to snuggle on you while you share a piece of banana bread. 

I have a job.  I have an important job.  I have more responsibility than I've ever had.  I travel for my job (I think we have to go to Jackson, which is two hours away, every week until May).  I get dirty for my job (cleaned throw up out of a cast earlier).  I get yelled at by my bosses.  I get occasional days off from my job.  I love my job.

It's amazing.

It's amazing how terrible I felt last night and this morning even.  Then, around 9am, things just clicked.  I was in the middle of working at my job and my kids smiled at me.  They smiled and laughed at me in their cute pj's as they snacked on Cheerios and we went over what sound a cow makes (they say "mmmm" because the "oo"'s haven't quiet come yet).  My Joe walked into the room, all clean shaven and smelling like the soap my mom sent us (Lemongrass and Lavender), and he smiled at me too.  So maybe my job is not a job where I have to organize files and make sure emails are sent out in a timely manner (and I've had those jobs).  I could still have that job.  I chose the job I have.  I had that luxury.  And it's the best career decision I've made.

To all you working moms, stay at home moms, women in the work force, women following their passion - it's amazing what you do.  YOU are amazing.